i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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