I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
