You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
