she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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