a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize