Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize