I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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