Best friends brother. Beat that.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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