we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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