Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
