I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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