Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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