She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
