oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
