im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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