His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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