my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
