Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
