if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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