I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
