Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm too high and old for this...
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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