i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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