im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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