and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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