i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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