Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
