i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
