now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
