eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
