i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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