There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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