whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize