hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
