i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
