i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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