I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
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