so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
