I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize