I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
