I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
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