Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize