I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
