OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize