did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
