I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
