If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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