you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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