I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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