i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
