He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
