So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
