Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize