I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
