The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
