my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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