alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
