wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
