lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
