Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
