So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
