so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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