Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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