She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize