I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
