im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
