I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize