I wanna bring you to show and tell
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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