dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
