I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
