I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
